The Dream of Light
by Keanorin
Summary: In which the story takes place 2 years after the breakup. Brian must come to grips with several events in his life. In doing so, he fills in a few gaps that were once bare in his soul.
1. Chapter 1

Brian woke up with a start, feeling a pain in his back. He groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He glanced around, trying to remember where he was. He felt the soft mattress of his bed underneath him, and the soft smell of Justins cologne. He grumbled slightly when he didn't see him there though. Brian yawned, stretching. He laid there, looking up at the ceiling of his loft.

He got up and pulled on a pair of jeans, running a hand through his hair. Brian went into the kitchen and started to making breakfast. He made a protein shake and toast, and grabbed an apple. He sat on the couch and turned on the tv.

As usual, there was nothing good on. Brian flipped through the channels, irritated that there was nothing of value on to watch. He paused at one channel, and stared at it in disbelief. There had been a car crash the night before, involving a jeep and a small semi truck. The truck had pushed the jeep off the side of the road, ramming it into a tree. Brian shook his head, muttering "Poor bastard" as he drank his shake. He nibbled on his toast and ate his apple, changing the channel yet again.

Brian stood and stretched, glancing sideways at the shower. He put away his glass after cleaning it and glanced down at his jeans, wondering why he had bothered putting them on. He took them off and hopped in the shower, turning on the hot water. He took the soap and began to lather it on himself, wishing Justin were there with him.

How he loved the feel of soft towels. He loved drying off on soft, clean towels. He stared at the towel in his hand, shaking his head. He was being stupid, of course. But the feel of the material was soft and comforting. Brian folded it and put it back on the bar, walking over to his closet. He rummaged around for a shirt, trying to decide which one to wear.

He pulled out a black tank top and decided to go to the mall to meet up with the boys. He grabbed his keys, whistling. It would be a good day today, he decided. There was also another reason why it would be a good day today. Justin was coming home.

Brian had barely been able to control his excitement when he heard that Justin was coming back from New York, permanently. How he had missed that damn kid! Ever sense they had broken up he had been miserable. Of course, he would never let the others know just how much he missed him. How he longed to hold him next to him at night, so that he could feel him breathe against him. That was the most beautiful thing in the world, Brian had decided. Knowing that Justin was there beside him, knowing that the one he loved would be there when he woke up. Now that he wasn't there, Brian felt a sense of emptiness that he couldn't deal with.

Every day that went by was met with the same numbness. The same dread of waking up knowing that Justin was getting ready for work at the diner, or staying up late working for school. It had been several months sense they had last spoken. Brian was dying to here his voice again, and to run his hands through his blond hair. Instead, every night was spent with a different guy, trying hard to go back into his old life. There was no going back now, however. If Brian had had the faintest notion that Justin would have changed his life THIS much, he would never have fucked him to begin with. It was too late now. He couldn't change the past. The more the thought about it, the more he realized how much stability Justin had provided for him in his unstable world. A world that was so full of hate and anger towards that outside world that Justin was exactly what Brian needed: his sunshine. A ray of light in the darkness where no light had before tread.

Brian opened the door, and drew back in shock. He was now standing in Babalyon, his beloved club. He turned to go back into his loft, but the door was gone and he was standing in front of a beautiful male, 6'3 black hair and green eyes. Brian eyed him, scanning his body with his hawk like gaze. His body was built and lean at the same time, every muscle perfectly carved out from years of working out. Brian made a node of his head, and the others green eyes flashed in the strobe lights.

Brian reached for his hand and the other took it, his mind soon distracted from the fact he was no longer in his apartment building. Perfectly built men with gorgeous eyes surrounded him, and he was in heaven. The other man kept staring at him and smiling, making Brians heart race. He ran a hand around the others shoulders, which were bare. He was in tight jeans and had glitter sprinkled over his chest. Brian found himself lost in those eyes as they danced, more men gathering around them. He put his arms around his neck, moving in closer.

Suddenly one of the other men shoved him hard, knocking him backward. He turned, rasing his fist to strike back. The man he was dancing with grabbed his wrist and held him tightly, and Brian found himself on his knees in pain.

"What are you doing!" Brian cried in alarm. "Justin!" His eyes grew wide as he found himself calling for him. How he wanted him there now, to save him. Brian swung with his other arm and found himself caught as well. "Please, stop, your hurting me." Brian tried to fight him off, struggling on the floor. He tried to look for the door to his loft now, realizing that this wasn't really Babylon as he looked around him. Through the mass of bodies he couldn't make out anything familiar about it, now that he good look. The music was the same, but the building itself wasn't.

"Hold him there." A voice sounded through the building as the music slowly faded out. The men had stopped dancing and were now standing at attention, glaring at him. The lights cut out, save for one strobe light on the approaching figure. It moved as it walked, illuminating him. Brian stared as the shadows figure as it came closer, trying hard to contain his fear.

"Well, well Kenney. For once, you've gotten your dick into a situation that you CAN'T get out of." Vicks voice rang through the air in a cold tone, his eyes staring straight into Brians.

"Vick?" Brian said in a strained voice. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian glanced around, trying to free himself from the mans grip. "If this is your idea of heaven, its one fucked up version!"

Vick folded his arms and smiled coldly at him, kneeling down to his level. ""You know, I bet you never thought you'd be looking up to me now, did you?" Vick laughed and roughfled his hair, and the others laughed with him. "I think its time, Brian. Vick stared at him, running a hand across his chin. "Yes, I do believe it is." Vick snapped his fingers and the man shoved Brian towards him. Vick took Brian by the shoulders, guiding him through the mass of men that turned to face him as they walked.

Brian was growin afraid now. This was not at all like Vicks normal behavior, when he had been alive. He was in a dream statses of some sorts, he had to be. Wake up, Brian thought to himself. Please,wake up. Brian kept mumbling this over and over silently, but nothing ever happened. Vick opened the door to the back room, and shoved Brian inside.

Brian glanced around them, expecting to see the normal men against the wall. Instead the room was empty, and Brians fear was now at full height inside him. He turned to run, but Vick stopped him.

"I don't think so, Brian. Theres something you need to see. And believe me, I don't want you to miss it." He kept pushing Brian forward, and for once in his life, Brian didn't argue.

Brian didn't know what was going on, but he didn't want to piss Vick off. Vick had always been like a father to him, so if Vick said it was important, then it must be. Especially if he were going to such extreme measures to get him to do whatever it was Vick wanted. They walked along in silence, the so called "back room" growing larger and larger in size.

Vick finally stopped, and a small film of light was in one corner. Vick pointed to it, and glared at him. "I think you need to go and see what's there." Vick folded his arms, waiting.

Brian rubbed his eyes and sniffed, glancing at him. Slowly he made his way to the back, glancing behind him. Vick was still standing there, his face and overall expression kinder. Brian kept walking, his footsteps echoing as he walked. He found another door facing him, and he sighed. Taking a deep breath, he turned and glanced at Vick one final time. Vick nodded, and Brian opened the door, slowly stepping inside.


	2. Chapter 2

Brian opened the door and cautiously stepped through. He glanced back a final time at Vic, who was slowly fading into the distance. Brian sniffed and ran a hand through his hair. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he realized where he was. He found himself standing in the hospital corridor. He felt fear run through him, not understanding what was going on. He began to walk at a fast pace through a long hall that seemed to never end. He heard Michaels voice and began running towards it, fearful that he had been hurt.

"Michael!" Brian cried out, turning down another hall. His friends voice grew louder and he took a sharp right. He almost slammed into Michael's back, catching himself before he did so. Ben was there with Hunter, Debbie, Justins mother, Emmet, and Daphne. Daphne was in tears, and Emmet was holding her gently against his shoulders, crying hard as well.

"Michael, I'm sorry I'm late, I didn't know.." Michael didn't answer him as he stood against the wall with his arms crossed, in tears. Brian put a hand gently on his shoulder, he hated watching him cry. Michael didn't seem to notice him there, and he began to grow annoyed.

"Hello! Common guys, what the fuck is going on?" Brian punched Michael in the arm lightly, trying to make him pay attention to him.

"God, he was so young. Why does this kind of shit have to happen to him? I thought he was over him. I guess not." Michael said in raspy sobs. Ben pulled him close and Michael snuggled closer, feeling extremely shitty.

"There's nothing we can do now." Debbie said softly, glancing at Daphne in a sympathetic manner. Brian ran a trembling hand through his hair, wondering why they weren't responding to him.

Brian went past Michael and the group, glaring at them and muttering "What the fuck?" as he went to glance through the window in the door they were gathered around. He took a deep breath and put his face to the glass, his heart pounding with dread.

There was his Justin, laying cold on the hospital bed. Brian gave an anguished cry and flung the door open, rushing to his side. His eyes were closed his skin cold. Brian's heart raced and he fought back tears, turning from Justin's face to the door, not sure where to run to.

"No, damn it, please no!" Brian cried, running his hand through Justin's thick blond hair. "Sunshine, please. Don't do this to me, don't leave me. Damn it, please!" Brian pounded the bed with his fist, giving in to his tears. He knew that Justin was dead, and so was whatever love was left in Brian's heart. He knelt beside Justin, sobbing hard. "Michael! Michael, what the hell happened? Why is my sunny boy dead? Please, answer me damn it!" Brian was furious for not being here. Why hadn't he been, where the fuck had he been? He wiped his eyes and ran his hand through Justins hair one more time, noticing the he was still wearing the white scarf Brian had given him at his prom. Brian felt his heart break into pieces as he stared at it, running a hand through the blood stained tassel's.

"You'll never know how much I love you, Justin." Brian said softly. "Forgive me for never telling you. I'm sorry. Fucking hell, I'm so sorry." Brian couldn't stop crying as he stood, shaking hard. Brian knew he wouldn't be able to face the others without crying, so he took a deep breath. "Just suck it up, Brian. Suck it up." Brian kissed Justin for one last time, running his hand one final time through his hair. "I love you, sunshine." Brian whispered as he turned to walk out the door.

Michael was no longer standing with the rest of his friends, and no one was there at all. Vic was there again, and he took him by the arm. The lights around them faded, and they were once again in the back room of Babylon. Brian couldn't stop crying. He collapsed against the cold stone wall, drawing his knees up to his chest. He burried his head in his arms, sobbing.

"Please tell me that wasn't real." Brian whispered. "Tell me this is just some fucked up dream, Vic. Please." Brian glanced up at him, and Vic shook his head sadly.

"Its not a dream, Brian. This is very much part of your own reality. I'm just here to guide you through it. Speaking of which, its time for you to go now." Vic now had the same icy tone in his voice when Brian had first seen him.

"I don't want to go anywhere. Please, just leave me the fuck alone." Brian begged, rubbing his arms. "Just leave me the fuck alone, I want to go back home."

Home. Home was the mansion Brian had bought for the two of them, with the pool and tennis courts. Fuck, he had even made sure to get a stable with horses. It had cost him a good fortune. Not that Brian was concerned, his sunshine had been worth it. Or so he had thought. His heart had been torn into even smaller pieces when Justin left him. That first night he had been alone he spent the night drinking on the floor in front of the fireplace, crying. He had drank until 3 am when he had decided to find a trick at Babylon to satisfy the emptiness he had inside. The next few days were spent like that, until Brian finally decided to rent out his palace. He moved back to his loft, where nights were spent with one trick after another, all of them looking like Justin.

"Its time for you to go. Get off your damn ass, and come with me." Vic hauled him to his feet, shaking him a little. "Get a hold of yourself, Kenney. Its not the end of the world, you know. You'll just go on with your miserable life like you always do."

Brian smacked him hard, glaring at him. "Shut the fuck up!" Brian screamed. "Just shut the fuck up and leave me alone! Aren't you supposed to be dead! Just leave me alone!"

Vic grabbed Brian and shoved him forward, smacking him back. "Move, Brian." Vic was now pissed off, and he didn't want to do this anyway. But it had been his misison, and he would carry it out to the best of his ability. Brian was to crushed to argue, and he allowed himself to be led into yet another room in Babylon. Vic shoved him inside, turning him around to face him.

"Listen, you son of a bitch. You ever smack me again and I'll make sure you wont be able to suck another cock or have anyone suck yours again." Vic threw him against the wall, turning and slamming the door shut behind him. Brian ran and slammed his fist against the door, pounding against it.

"Vic, stop this madness!" Brian cried, pleading. "What's going on, I don't understand." Brian was feeling helpless now, trying hard to open the door and couldn't. Brian sank against the wall again, feeling more alone then ever. He stared into the darkness, wishing Justin were there with him. He was afraid now as well, and he hated that feeling. An emptiness threatened to consume him, and he felt like he was 6 again.

"Get up, Brian." A voice echoed throughout the room, angry. "Get up off your ass and come over here."

Brian swallowed hard, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Who the fuck are you?" He asked in a voice that trembled.

"Get off your ass, and come over here. Do as your told, I don't have the patience for you." The voice commanded again, still in an annoyed tone.

Brian gasped as he felt himself being pulled to where the voice was, without seeing anyone in front of him. Brian scrambled to his feet as the force drove him even more forward into the room. His heart raced as he flew forward, landing hard in a chair. He waited, his heart racing, as yet another figure approached him, making a shiver run down his spine.


	3. Chapter 3

Brian's anxiety was now at full height as he watched the figure approach him. Brian tried to get up, and found for some reason he couldn't.

"You know, I never thought I'd see you so uptight, Kennie." The voice said, now in a calmer tone. "Common, Brian. Don't you know my voice by now?"

Brian tried to focus on the person in front of him as the figure began to become clearer. "Justin!" Brian tried to get up and hold him but he couldn't. "What the fuck! Justin, you were dead not five minutes ago!" Brian felt his emotions racing, and he wanted out of there. This didn't feel right at all.

"Yeah, its me. Surprised?" Justin folded his arms, smirking at him. "You know, I've never been able to figure out why the fuck I care about you so much. Your nothing but a heartless prick most of the time."

Brian shook his head, trying hard to reach out and hold him. "Damn it, Justin. You left me! You went to fucking New York and left me alone! I only wanted what was best for you, I wanted you to see that there was more to life then spending it with me! I'm not the best role model, but damn it, Justin, once I realized what you brought to me in my life I wanted you with me! Why the fuck do you think I made sure to get the house of your god damn dreams!" Brian felt tears running down his face and he couldn't stop them. He found he no longer cared, and let them come.

"I thought I was doing the right thing for you!" Brian struggled with his emotions, not being able to sort them out fast enough.

"Why is it that I don't believe you?" Justin said sadly. "Even if I HAD stayed and married you, you would still be bringing trick after trick home with you, you'd still be getting high as a fucking kite, and I'll still be second in your life. No matter how hard I try, I'll always come second. I'll never be good enough for you. I've had enough. No more, Brian!" Justin's voice cracked as he knelt in front of him, wiping the tears off of Brian's face.

"You wanted what was best for me, and I want what's best for you. Maybe now you'll have the life you've always wanted. I life without me. A life of not having to worry if I'll get bashed in the head again, of not coming to see me and having the others yell at you for it." Justin held Brian's hand tightly in his, giving a deep sigh.

"That's not true, Justin!" Brian begged. "Please, believe me, that's not true. I loved coming home to you every night, just like I told you I did! God, that night you were bashed in the head… Jesus fucking Christ! I thought I had lost you! The one thing in my life that I've ever truly loved as my own I thought I had lost!" Brian reached for him, and Justin let him hold him against Brian's chest, letting Brian cry. " I love you, damn it! I know I should have told you a long time ago, but you know how I always let my pride stand in the way of everything!" He ran his hand through Justin's hair, burring his face in it.

"I have to go Brian." Justin said softly, drying Brian's tears on his sleeve. "I love you. I hope you know that. It's why I had to leave you." Justin stood and walked back into the darkness from which he had first appeared, leaving Brian sobbing in the chair.

"JUSTIN!" Brian screamed after him, trying hard to run after him and not being able to. "JUSTIN! DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN!" Brian sobbed hard, not understanding why he couldn't move. The next few minutes were spent screaming Justin's name and crying. When he had grown hoarse, he finally decided to accept the fact that Justin was not coming back for him. "I love you, sunshine." Brian said in a hoarse whisper. Brian sat in the darkness for a while, wanting desperately for Michael or someone to come and rescue him from this madness.

Brian bowed his head, wondering when Vic was going to show back up. Brian wasn't sure how long he waited there, thinking about his life. Brian tried to stand after a while, and iron bands suddenly appeared on his wrists, keeping him from moving. Brian cried out in alarm, calling out for anyone who might hear him.

Suddenly the door opened again, and there stood his father. Brian swallowed hard, staring at him in fear. For once in his life he was speechless, and afraid. Very, very afraid.

"Well, well." Said his father in an odd tone. "Looks like you've gotten yourself into a tight spot." He took a drink from a beer bottle he was carrying, and Brian's eyes grew wide.

"Please let me go." Brian said softly, glancing around him. There was only one door, and that was the one his father was standing in. He looked at the wristbands holding him down, trying hard to free himself. "Please, I haven't don't anything wrong." He tried to keep the fear out of his voice, knowing that he was failing.

"On the contrary." Jack said, irritated. "Your taking up my time, son." He shut the door hard behind him, and Brian jumped slightly in his chair. He took another long drink and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, moving slowly towards Brian.

"I um, What can I do for you, pop?" Brian asked, swallowing hard again. His voice was almost gone and he licked his lips, wondering what was gong on now.

"You can write me a check for 2 million dollars." His father said in a sarcastic voice. " Cut the shit, Brian. You know why I'm here." He slammed the bottle against the wall, breaking it into two even halves. He moved forward, kneeling on the floor in front of him, flashing it in front of Brian's eyes.

"You can have it." Brian said in a shaking voice. "Please, don't hurt me, please!" Brian was shaking now, feeling desperate. "Just let me go and I'll write you the god damn check. Please, dad!"

Jack smacked him, laughing. "I don't want your queer money. Its filth, and not worth anything to begin with." He smiled an evil grin as he watched Brian flinch, fear running deep in his eyes.

"That's funny, the last time I checked you were good enough to take the past ones. What was the difference then, pop, not knowing that I was gay? Or the fact that your god damn queer son is making more then you?" Brian sneered at him, feeling angry now.

"You'll regret saying that." His father glared at him, smacking him again. He unlatched the iron bands and grabbed Brian by the collar, pulling him to his feet.

"Let me go, old man. You have no idea who your dealing with!" Brian tried to shrug him off and run to the door, but failed. His father shoved him forward, making him follow in the path Justin had gone. "Stop, please!" Brian begged him, but his father shoved the broken bottle in his face threateningly.

"Shut up and move." Jack said angrily. Brian was shoved forward for a long time, making the room they were end seem endless. Brian turned several times to try and fight off his father and ended up getting smacked hard each time.

"Your not my father!" Brian said angrily. "Leave me alone!" Jack merely shook his head, rolling his eyes.

"How did I manage to raise such a stupid son? You don't even recognize your old man!" His father shoved him against the wall, slowly running the rough edges of the glass bottle along Brian's arm, making a red mark run down his arm.

Brian's eyes grew wide and he leaned against the wall, swallowing hard, trying to keep his composure. Brian felt tears running down his face as his father went on with the bottle, running it across his chest and down the other arm. Once he hit a tender spot on his left arm, and Brian's right arm came and punched Jack hard in the jaw, sending him backwards.

Brian took the opportunity to run, and run he did. He glanced behind him once to see Jack running after him, and he sped up his pace. The room seemed to go on in all sorts of directions. Brian figured that this was some form of hell for him. Long, empty corridors, bleak, without light, with no one there but himself, being persude by the one man he hated the most in his life.

Brian ran hard for what seemed like hours before he reached the end of the room. He leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. He sank to the ground, grabbing his waist. He couldn't hear Jack behind him anymore, and he took a moment to rest. He caught his breath and stood again, turning to see if there was a way out.

Running his hand along the cold wall, he found no doors. He pounded his fist against it, aggravated. "Vic!" he called, feeling extremely lost. "Vic, please, get me out of here!"

He sank against the wall again, beginning to cry. He rubbed his arms, giving a startled cry when he saw the blood on his hands from the cut his father had made. Panic threatened to consume him, and he wanted nothing more then for Justin or Michael to come and hold him, letting him know that he wasn't alone anymore. He buried his head against his knees, begging for someone to come and free him. He felt light headed all of a sudden, and the room began to spin.

"Brian!" someone was calling him, worried. "Brian are you ok?"

Brian burried his face deeper in his arms, feeling the blood run up against his face. "Please, just leave me alone!" He said in a weary voice. "Please, just go away."

"Well, if you REALLY insist, I will." The voice said in a caring tone. "Its just not like you to be hiding like this."

Brian slowly lifted his head, rubbing his eyes. The person who was talking to him came into a slow but blury view.

"Oh my fucking god, I've never been so happy to see you in my entire fucking life!" Brian reached for his hand, wiping the blood off his face with a towel the other gave him. "Thank god, I've GOT to tell you something!" Brian sniffed and ran a hand through his hair, glancing around him. "Where the fuck am I now!"


End file.
